Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
