im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
