Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize