I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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