FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
