you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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