I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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