it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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