My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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