You don't have asthma, your pregnant
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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