READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
