He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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