there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
