Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize