they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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