My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
