I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
