i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I smell stomach acid.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
