I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
