even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
