so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
