Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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