I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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