Farmville is her only friend.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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