I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
handjob tips. give me some.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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