my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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