Your face is a jimmy john
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
