he was CRYING into my vagina
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
