I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
