Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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