Old men and throwing up are my life now.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
