my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
