I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
