Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize