You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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