why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
