someone get that fucking seahorse.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
