Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
