I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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