but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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