3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
