Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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