Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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