Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
