I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
