i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
