She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
