my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can you bring me the toilet please
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
