at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Heโs exactly what Iโm looking for: heโs got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
