I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
