there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
