We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
sex in a hospital.. check
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
