Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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