I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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