The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
