It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
