Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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