I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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