Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
