Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
