It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
