Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
