I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize