So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
