Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's always time for handjobs
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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