I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
please don't ironically join a cult
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