Cold hands, warm shart.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
