I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
