so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
