that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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