Your dad touched me again.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
