I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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