A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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