I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
