Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
