why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
