i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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