Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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