hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
