I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
