Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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