There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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