Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
