if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
