so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
