There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
