just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
