i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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