The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
