He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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