What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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