You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
