Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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