I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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