guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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