hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
