it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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