So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
