I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
