So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
