; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize