According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
