Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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