Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
