if i can run in heels then i can drive
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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