so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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