dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
