doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
