if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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