i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
