Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she smelled like a LAN party
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
