I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
