The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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