Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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