I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
