And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
