this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
